Pokemon Go Players Stumble Upon Their First Naked Woman

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Pokemon Go” led two men into a shocking situation Wednesday afternoon.

While playing the popular mobile game sweeping the nation, the men were led into the prayer garden of St. Luke’s Church in Westport on July 13 where they found an unidentified naked woman ripping apart the grounds.

The woman threw a statue of the Virgin Mary onto the ground, pulled lights out of the garden, turned over benches and threw garbage from her car into the pond, Sister Maureen Fleming said. The woman also put garbage in the baptismal pond inside the church’s indoor gathering space. Fleming called 911 immediately.

Police committed the 40-year-old Bridgeport resident to Norwalk Hospital for evaluation, Lt. David Farrell said. He said the woman was acting irrationally and police were more focused on getting her help for a likely medical, medication-related or mental illness problem than to make an arrest.

And who said Pokemon Go was for nerds? Do nerds stumble upon naked women in churches in the middle of the afternoon? I don’t think so, that kind of sounds like the opposite of a nerd to me. Remember in high school when you used to sneak out of the house to go to a drive-in movie with your girl? Me neither, but that’s always how high school was portrayed in the movies. And by all accounts these were the type of guys who would come offer you and your girl a bag of popcorn before making out with her right in front of your face.

At least that’s what I would expect by how cool these Pokemon bros acted. But more realistically this may have been the first naked woman they ever saw. Which means Pokemon Go is helping dudes who care more about a Blastoise than a blowjob get closer to losing their virginities. Kind of ironic that a naked woman who vandalized a Virgin Mary statue is actually directly responsible for two Virgins finding God. And by finding God I mean realizing that a woman’s body may be a more interesting place to explore than a Poke Stop.

P.S- Snorlax definitely watches porn.

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