My Application To Replace Skip Bayless On “First Take”

Skip Bayless

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

With the news of Skip Bayless moving over to FS1 to create an all-star take team, ESPN has a major void in its morning show. There is currently nobody to sit across from Stephen A. Smith and disagree with him on every single point, no matter if he actually disagrees or not. As a man graduating college in a few weeks in need of a job, I’ve decided to throw my hat in the ring. Naturally, I think I’d be a perfect fit. But I need to convince you, the reader, that I have the stones. So before I send my application off to the World Wide Leader, I thought I’d give you a chance to review it.

My Application To Replace Skip Bayless On “First Take”

Name: One Sideburn (flexible).

Age: 21< but > 65.

Do you workout?: Yes.

If so, how hard?: Hard.

Marital status: Girlfriend (some people don’t think she’s real).

Feelings on Tim Tebow: Positive.

Feelings on Aaron Rodgers: Negative.

Feelings on LeBron James: Choke artist.

Are you a military veteran?: No.

Have you ever been arrested for drunk driving?: I don’t drink.

Interests: Sports, working out, talking about sports.

Favorite band: Don’t have time to listen to music, too busy dropping sports knowledge.

Any drawbacks?: I hate getting up early, sometimes I forget to brush my teeth, and I actually respect LeBron James and lied about that earlier on the application.

I think I should be a top candidate. But who am I to decide. That’s up to the suits in Bristol.

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