You Can’t Handle The Drew: Local Kid Puts On Performance For The Ages On “Chopped”

One fatal flaw cost local college chef, fraternity star, stud athlete, and charity-minded Drew Friedman a fortune.

Drew raced through the first two rounds like a kid coming out from behind a tree. His technique was flawless. His smile captivated. His charisma resonated, not just with viewers but also the Rutgers sorority girl who was Chopped simply because she couldn’t look away.

In round one, Drew’s curry chicken was deemed “insanely delicious.” He took an early lead on the field, gracefully complementing the chicken with tomato soup made from an energy drink. It was ingenious. The texture was, if I may say so myself, exquisite. The meat tender. Adding a piece of bread on the side proved to be his only mishap. Yes, he wanted a warm grain to soak up the soup, but the judges were apparently on a no-carb diet. Who knew.

After the Rutgers girl got chopped, Drew remained the only Greek member left. This gave him a significant advantage in backstage beer pong. And that confidence must’ve seeped into the kitchen. With the ingredients of frozen mac and cheese and brussels sprouts, Drew shined. As NYU culinary mastermind Jenn Cheng cooked up mac and cheese-crusted steak, Drew went the opposite direction. He melted the cheese to create a sauce any Philly Cheesesteak connoisseur would consider delightful. A sauce so pure you’d commit a felony for a sniff. Once the judges drizzled the cheese sauce on the steak, it was game over. “Frontrunner Friedman” was off to the finals. Against his worst nemesis. Jenn Cheng.

It was a race against the clock in the final round for Droodles as he scampered around the kitchen with gusto. Lucky for Drew, he was given a special ingredient that he’s had lots of experience with. Jello. A fraternity man, Friedman has taken approximately 782 jello shots since he arrived on campus. He immediately decided to use the mint jello to create a mint-flavored ice cream. Which caused my buddy Dan to text me something strange.


Dan said not to go for the ice cream machine. He called it the “kiss of death.” Said he’s watched a lot of Chopped and nobody wins on the ice cream. He begged Drew not to. He screamed for him to throw some jello on a chocolate chip cookie and call it a day. But Drew Friedman doesn’t take the easy way out. If he was gonna win, he was gonna win with the faulty ice cream machine. If he was gonna lose, well, he always has that unfinished tennis career to fall back on.

The machine wouldn’t budge. All that came out was a drip of what one judge called “butter.” But Drew plopped it on a plate with confidence. You’re judged on a composite of the three dishes anyway. And the girl’s first dish was undercooked. I felt like all those kids in “The Sandlot” standing around Squints at the pool. Just pull through, buddy. Just pull through.

As he stood in front of the judges, the future of an entire community hanging in the balance, he realized his blunder.

He forgot the graham cracker.

One of the four basket ingredients of the dessert portion, the graham cracker needed to be included. This proved to be a costly error for the Lafayette frathlete. Drew was chopped.

Now I’m not shocked. He used to forget the score during our ping-pong matches all the time. Especially with the ice cream machine disaster, it’s natural the extra ingredient would slip his mind. But when Drew told the judges he planned to drizzle the graham cracker on the cookie and their mouths watered with joy? When “The People’s Chef” let them in on the wizardry that is his culinary eye? When an ice cream sandwich that had no ice cream in it is still almost enough to knock out an entire disease?

Well that’s an episode an entire town will never forget.


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