DeAndre Jordan Could Learn From Dinosaurs How To Gracefully Accept Extinction

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“The game is definitely evolving. It’s becoming more guard-oriented. But at the same time we’ve got a lot of big guys who still kick ass,” Jordan said Wednesday after Team USA’s practice.

“We’ll never be extinct, even though there’s no more ‘centers’ in the NBA … just call me a forward when you introduce me against starting lineups.”

Jordan, of course, was being very sarcastic with that last line. It still bothers him that he has never made an All-Star team. He will continue to decline invitations to the slam dunk contest until he earns his way to the All-Star team. But Jordan said he doesn’t dwell on it as much as he did in years past.

I feel for DeAndre Jordan. He’s part of a dying breed, like newspaper reporters or people that drive cars. Soon enough teams will strut out five-guard offenses and gigantic guys that can’t hit free throws will be obsolete. And do you remember the last time a group of gigantic guys who couldn’t hit free throws became obsolete? It was the dinosaurs, and you didn’t see them complaining about their lack of usefulness in the transition game. All they did was eat grass while they waited for their demise. So maybe DeAndre should invest in a marijuana dispensary. Or better yet ask Chris Bosh how he survived the pre-three point line era.

But DeAndre won’t go without a fight. He wants the world to know that centers are still important. They patrol the paint, eat up fouls and are efficient at winning the opening tip even though it doesn’t actually matter. But in today’s pace-and-space, three-point obsessed NBA offense, teams won’t need rim protectors as much as they’ll need guys that hang around half-court and try to block threes from behind. And sadly DeAndre doesn’t fit this mold. Just imagine him running the fast break off a turnover. It’d be like watching your grandma who never learned how to swim get dropped in a dunk tank.

Just like how print columnists will transition to digital and cab and uber drivers will find new professions, DeAndre Jordan will need to find a new career. Or he can continue to whine about his place in the NBA landscape and refuse to adapt. Which ironically is an alternative definition of a dinosaur.

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