Look someone had to say it. I understand where Harvey is coming from in not peeing enough. Sometimes you’re not in a situation conducive to going. Next rest stop isn’t for 30 miles. You just went 10 minutes ago and you don’t want to seem weird. You’re really comfortable on the couch and the bathroom is a two minute walk away.
You know when you try to secretly snipe a snapchat video of your friend saying something he shouldn’t? Or just a pic of him making a funny face? That’s the situation we’re in except D’Angelo Russell is recording Nick Young admitting to cheating on his fiance and then spreading the video all over social media.
To commemorate an epic first weekend of Madness, I’d like to hand out some hardware. For the goliaths who were slayed, the mid-majors who pulled off the impossible, and the mid-majors who pulled up for three and missed everything, I present my First Weekend Awards.
One fatal flaw cost local college chef, fraternity star, stud athlete, and charity-minded Drew Friedman a fortune. Drew raced through the first two rounds like a kid coming out from behind a tree. His technique was flawless. His smile captivated. His charisma resonated, not just with viewers but also the Rutgers sorority girl who was Chopped simply because she couldn’t look away.
What happened to traditional power structure? Jacksonville and Oakland are never potential playoff teams. They are supposed to be the doormats of the league. The easiest records to predict every year. The kid on the playground who gets his glasses knocked off, atomic wedgied on the way down, then falls over and farts as the girl he likes points and laughs.
Simply put, this is the best shirt I’ve ever received and I’ve received more shirts than I have colonoscopies. It’s colorful, orange and blue which fits almost perfectly with my orange and blue Astros hat and orange beard. It’s festive, snowflakes all over which is a great tribute to Snowflake from my favorite movie ‘Ace Ventura: Pet Detective.’
In honor of the Oscars, I’ve created an alternate Academy Awards. A brand new award show that recognizes excellence in sports, within the categories of film. Think of it as a Dundies for pro sports. Although it won’t be hosted at Chili’s.