Week 4 marked the first BYE week of the season meaning Cousins League managers who spend more time driving Nissans and less time listening to Keyshawn had to make split-second roster decisions that could alter their fantasy fate forever. Tinkering with your fantasy lineup while driving is a lot like texting while driving except with less nude pictures to take your attention away from the road.
The Cousins League is a “beat your opponent” sort of league. It’s not about scoring the most points every week. It’s about scoring more points than whomever the schedule artificially dictates. Sometimes this fact gets lost in a “how can I maximize my point total” fantasy mindset– which is a bad habit encouraged by “experts” like Matthew Berry and your neighbor’s landscaper who played in one fantasy league in 2009 (he came in fourth and won’t stop talking about it).
How do you replace injured players when there’s nobody on the waiver wire and your team sucks? It’s a question as old as time itself. And honestly there’s not a lot of options. But with astute trade offers, a can-do attitude, and access to every team’s roster via the LM tools, you can easily trade yourself a five-tool running back who will not only pick up yards on the ground, he’ll also pick up your grandma’s dry-cleaning just before closing time.
Can you say drama? Week 1 of the Cousins Fantasy Football League was like an episode of Grey’s Anatomy except your girlfriend probably wasn’t next to you with a bag of tissues. Or maybe she was, it’s not like I was sitting outside your apartment complex with a bag of stogies and a portable radio so I could follow my own team while I watched you watch yours.
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The problem is our streets are littered with youths who’d rather find fake Pokemon than a real girlfriend. At least in the new Netflix series Stranger Things, Mike was looking for both. Yeah, he was searching for a gate to a new dimension, but he was also macking Elle on the side. No shame in that.